


Almost Had You (But I Guess That Doesn't Cut It)

by Romansleftshoulderpad



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Remus (mentioned) - Freeform, Weed mention, alcohol use, remy (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-24 19:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22163002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romansleftshoulderpad/pseuds/Romansleftshoulderpad
Summary: It had been 12 years since Roman and Virgil met. It had been 10 since they became friends. It had been 8 since they started dancing around each other like pining, gay ballerinas.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 88





	Almost Had You (But I Guess That Doesn't Cut It)

_I almost got drunk at school at 14  
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen._

It had been 12 years since Roman and Virgil met. It had been 10 since they became friends. It had been 8 since they started dancing around each other like pining, gay ballerinas.

_Who almost went off to be Ms. Texas,  
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes._

Roman could remember the exact moment he started to fall in love. It was the end of their senior year. They had been messing around in Virgil’s “studio”, an extra walk-in closet in his dad’s apartment. Virgil was painting a stormy sky while Roman played around with an old guitar that hadn’t been touched in years (save for specks of paint and purple storm clouds painted on the wood). Roman had been messing around with different chords but he found himself enchanted by Virgil. His bangs were tied back into a bun and his arms were covered in white, lilac, and navy blue. His tongue stuck out between his lips in concentration as he tried to paint the moon _just right._

That’s when it hit Roman. He could easily see them doing just the same in 20, 30, or 40 years. Maybe in a different town, maybe with different hairstyles or clothes, but still them. Still happy. Still soft and domestic.

Married. He could see them together and in love. It was terrifying, but as he closed his eyes, he played a love song.

_I almost dropped out to move to LA  
Where I was Almost famous for Almost a day._

It was college that separated them. Roman was going to a fancy music school and Virgil wasn’t going anywhere. It was one of the worst fights they’d ever had.

“Come _on,_ Virge! It’ll be perfect!” Roman pleaded.

“Perfect for you, maybe,” Logan muttered.

“Oh shut up, nerdy wolverine,” Roman snapped.

“Even combined, how are we supposed to afford an apartment in L.A?” Virgil asked, not looking up from his sketchbook.

“We’ll figure it out!”

“You mean _I’ll_ figure it out while you get a degree.”

“Just forget about rent,” Roman said. “We’d have so much fun! We can watch Tim Burton movies every week and cook together and go on adventures!”

“Roman, if I may add some input-“

“Logan,” Virgil said quietly, “can you give us a moment alone, please?”

“Don’t sign any contracts without a lawyer present,” Logan said, and with that, he left.

“Roman, I can’t just pack up and leave because you need a roommate,” Virgil said. “I’m not even sure why you’re asking _me_ anyway. Obviously, there are better options.”

“Better options?”

“Yes! Like Logan-“ Roman scoffed. “Or Remy! Or even your brother!”

“I’ve lived with my brother for far too long, thank you very much,” Roman said. “But why do you think there’s better options? Why is it so hard to imagine me wanting to be closer to you?” Virgil chewed on his lip, visibly becoming more anxious. “Virgil, you’re my friend. I care about you.”

“You shouldn’t!” Virgil yelled but it echoed like a scream. Tears pricked at his eyes and as Roman took a step forward he took a step back. “I gotta go.” He grabbed his backpack and ran out of the door before Roman could go after him.

_I almost held up a grocery store  
Where I almost did five years and then seven more_

Virgil was 22 and living with a friend of the brother of a friend. It sucked. He spent most of his nights’ painting and wondering how much better his life would be if he had said “yes” to Roman’s offer. He picked up a drawn on canvas he had titled “Two Lovers” And began to paint as his thoughts spiraled.

Instead of loud music and loud… other sounds coming from his roommate’s bedroom, he’d at least only have to deal with Disney songs and rapping along to Hamilton. And yes, Virgil would have to admit, watching The Nightmare Before Christmas would be a lot more enjoyable than airing out the living room to get rid of the smell of weed.

He looked at the painting. The two lovers were still just a sketch. He took a pencil and adjusted one of the lovers to be male instead of female. “Could be gayer,” he mumbled to himself as he did so.

What would watching movies with Roman be like anyway? Virgil grabbed a clean brush and started painting in the couch the lovers sat on. He’d be annoying and talk through the whole film, of course. Probably eats popcorn way too loudly. Of course, he would have been the one insistent on making popcorn. Probably homemade because he would insist that it’s superior to the bagged stuff.

He’d probably fall asleep during the movie. It’d be far too much of ask of the arrogant asshole to actually _appreciate_ art. He’d lean onto Virgil as he’d begin to doze off. He’d pretend to yawn and put his arm sound Virgil’s shoulders, holding him tight. Virgil chewed his lip as he painted. He worked on the lovers’ clothes and skin. Roman was always a deep sleeper; he’d be impossible to wake up. This would, of course, keep Virgil trapped on the couch. Virgil hated being trapped.

But would being stuck with Roman even be a bad thing? Virgil had slept on plenty of couches before, surely it wouldn’t be worse to share that space with someone warm holding you tight. Roman’s heartbeat would be calming and lull Virgil to sleep.

_Cause I almost got popped for a fight with a thug  
Cause he almost ran off with a bunch of the drugs  
That I almost got hooked on cause you ran away._

Virgil looked at the two lovers holding each other tight and dressed in red and purple.

_And I wish I would have had the nerve to ask you to stay._

Roman dropped out of that college after two years. It was a tough choice, but it was for the best. He’d looked at a picture from his high school graduation. He wasn’t the same anymore, but that wasn’t a bad thing. He just had new interests and passions.

And at 26 he was going back to a new college to pursue a writing degree. But he kept drifting back to that graduation photo. He hadn’t seen Virgil in 5 years, but he still had a soft spot for him. He still had so many things left to say.

_Here I go thinking ‘bout all the things I could’ve done._

He pulled out his laptop.

_I’m gonna need a forklift cause all the baggage weighs a ton._

Virgil pulled the rest of his boxes out of the moving truck. He finally got away from roommates and memories of the past. He was free.

He opened a box labeled “Paintings” and saw it staring back at him. The two lovers.

_I know we had our problems.  
I can’t remember one._

Roman kept typing. It was a stupid email to write to someone he hadn’t seen in years but getting all of these feelings out was pure ecstasy.

_I almost forgot to say something else  
And if I can’t fit it in I’ll keep it all to myself._

Virgil put the painting in a frame and hung it up in his unfurnished living room.

_I almost wrote a song about you today.  
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away._

Roman deleted the email.

_And I Almost had you,  
But I guess that doesn’t cut it._

Both of them sat, miles apart, staring at their screens and silently begging for contact. For nostalgia. For a second chance.

Virgil hated risk. He hated change. Yet, as he looked around at the unpacked boxes, he knew a tiny bit of change between him and Roman wouldn’t make that much of a difference. He picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts.

_Almost had you._

Ringing. And ringing. And ringing.

“Hello? Who is this?”

Virgil’s heart raced. He hated phone calls and Roman probably didn’t want to talk to him anyway and- oh this was such a bad idea. “R- Roman?” he asked, his mouth dry. “It’s Virgil. You still live in L.A right?”

“Virgil,” Roman repeated. His heart was beating just as fast. “It’s been a while. And yeah- yeah I still live here.” He took a deep breath. “How are you?”

“I, uh, just moved to California. Exciting, right? Uh, and I- I was wondering…” He took a deep breath and tried to steady his shaking hands. He exhaled slowly. “Do you want to grab coffee?”

_And I didn’t even know it._

“Coffee,” Roman said with a smile. “Coffee would be great. You can tell me where you’re near and I can meet you somewhere. You must be tired.”

“You have no idea,” Virgil said with a laugh. He glanced to the painting and let his anxieties melt away. He smiled. “I’ve missed you.”

“I- I’ve missed you too,” Roman said, barely above a whisper. He wondered if Virgil could hear his smile.

“Meet me at 4?”

“4,” Roman said. “See you there.”

 _You kept me guessin’_  
And now I’m destined  
To spend my time missing you.

He looked the same way he did six years ago. He had his hair pulled back into a bun with colors on his arms, only now they were stray tattoos and not paint splatters. He looked more tired and spaced out. Surely from the stress of moving, but Roman was one hundred percent ready to take this man home and properly lull him to sleep.

Roman was different though. Dressed to impress as if meeting a stranger and not an ex-best friend. It was appropriate, almost. They had become strangers. Almost. Strangers didn’t spend years thinking of one another.

“Virgil,” Roman said with a smile and open arms.

“Princey,” Virgil said with a smile, falling into his open arms and holding him tight. Past fights and years of regrets faded away. They were together now, and Virgil knew he’d have his chance.

_I almost wish you would have loved me_

_Wish you would have loved me too._


End file.
